How To Tweet Your Husband Into A Raise

Yes – it can be done. You can tweet your husband to a raise. In fact – I tweeted my husband into a whopping 8% raise in this awful economy two months ago. Though I must caution… I wouldn’t recommend doing this to anyone unless you are absolutely sure that their employer values them… A LOT!

Here’s how I did it:

JobsBoston: Check out this great opportunity in ABC industry LINK
MyTwitterUserame: @JobsBoston Wow! What a great opportunity – my Hubby would be perfect as he does ABC for 123 Company

123 Company’s PR Firm then trolled through Twit search and found the one and only tweet in the stream about their company – they then alerted the Director of HR in FUCKING GERMANY! The HR Director in FUCKING GERMANY then spent TWO WHOLE FUCKING DAYS reading every single post I wrote in the 4 years I’ve been blogging on my blog. (Obviously their HR department needs to find some REAL work to do!).

Two days later my hubby was called into the HR Department to meet with the HR Manager who then asked him point blank if he was looking for work. My husband, who knew nothing about my tweet, adamantly denied it. HR didn’t believe him and finally told my husband that his wife had made a comment online that indicated otherwise, however they did not tell him where online or that they now have red-flagged my blog. My Hubby being the bright awesome man that he is, told them that he can’t be held liable for anything his wife says.

My hubby then ignored me for a week for getting him in trouble. (Really – can you blame him?)

The week long silent treatment finally ended when he came home waving an offer from his employer for an 8% raise. They took my tweet seriously! My husband makes good money so 8% was a fair hike! He was ecstatic and finally forgave me by taking me out for dinner J

Great news right? Well… not entirely… his company still trolls my blog site on a regular basis (I can tell thanks to Google Analytics) and this is why I’ve now launched this private blog not linked to any other of my online identities – Welcome to my not-so-humble new abode.

When Are You Going Back to Europe?

So hubby’s back. Pissy and grumpy as hell. Apparently he left his patience in Europe.

I don’t freaking care how tired he is – caring for two young children is fucking hard work! I NEED a nap! I NEED a break! WTH? Why does he feel he needs the break?

A break from what? Having quiet dinners in restaurants, prepared by other people where you don’t need to yell at people to sit the fuck down and eat? A break from sleeping through the night? A break from getting dressed and showered, and going bathroom by yourself for TWO whole weeks?

He started yelling at the kids for making a mess and throwing stuff around. I said what the hell do you care? It’s not like you pick it up.

He stormed off.

I didn’t follow.

He NEVER picks up anything. He saw my MASSive pile o’laundry and said “WE shoudl make this a priority to get done today”. I snorted and coffee flew out of my nose. ‘Cause guess what? He loaded ZERO loads in the washer, ZERO loads in the dryer, folded ZERO loads, carried up ZERO baskets and put away ZERO baskets.

To be honest – the house is cleaner when he’s away ’cause I have one less person to clean up after, one less ego to stroke. My stress level is less ’cause I’m not angry about having to do EVERYTHING! I’m not angry that I’m cleaning while the other adult in the house is sitting on thier fat ass watching TV.

For the next two weeks my house is going to be a mess – but guess what? Then he gets to go back to Switzerland and Ireland and I don’t have to deal with his laziness and impatience. Yay!

Wow! That Must Be So Hard!

My hubby travels a lot for work. Two weeks away, a few weeks home, and back away again. When I say away, I mean he’s REALLY away – in another continent altogether, 14 hours of travel to get home if I need him. When he is home he doesn’t get home from work until late: 7-7:30 on most nights. Unfortunately (fortunately?) we have two young daughters – aged 4 and 2. This arrangement of never seeing him would be awesome if I hated him. But I don’t. I love him a lot and miss him very much. When he’s gone. That and our two daughters go abso-frigging-lutely apeshit when he’s gone.

You would think I would hate his travelling – and well I do, but there’s something I hate more: when I tell people about his travel I hate when they respond by clucking their teeth and exclaim: Wow! That Must Be So Hard!

Yes – Thanks for the memo, dude! I KNOW it’s fucking hard!

Why don’t people offer to help? They KNOW it’s hard – they just said so. Would it hurt them to step out of their comfort zone and offer to come over after the kids go to bed so I can run to the 24 hour grocery store? Maybe invite us over for a playdate or dinner? WTH?!

When I was on maternity leave I used to phone my friends when I went to the grocery store to ask if they needed anything. Would it kill ya to just pick up the damn phone and let me know you’re thinking of me, mmmm k? Or is that too hard?

Is This Thong On?

Ooops – I love that typo… Since I’m just starting this blog I think I’ll call it that: Is This Thong On? Nah – that’s stupid. Scratch that. I’ll call it: Just a Girl… With Too Much To Say

Anyways, I digress…. What I really wanted to start with was:

Tap… Tap… Is this thing on? Is anyone out there? If you are – then welcome to my “new” blog. What blog would be complete without a welcome first post?

I’ve really been blogging for 5-6 yrs, so although this blog is new, I’m not new to blogging. My “other” blog has become wildly popular… with my firends and family. I can no longer write what I’m really, thinking, or feeling without pissing someone off which is not fun. So voila – here I am. Blogging and writing whatever I REALLY want to write about. Saying what I REALLY feel! Is this thong on seems like a great title to go with how candid the posts you’ll find here. So welcome – to Just A Girl… With Too Much To Say.